sometimes i just wanna sleep it away

I'm not sure why but every time I get really depressed and stressed out the kids seem to turn into wild little gremlins with the intent to break every rule in the house.

We just got back from NYC. The trip was a sudden thing, no preparation. I wish I could say we were there for fun, but in lew our current state of financial disaster the only justifiable reason we would take this trip would be a family tragedy. My grandma who helped raise me and who I love more than anything in the world is lying unconcious and possibly braindead in a NYC hospital.
I feel like my heart is being torn in shreds. I miss her so much.

I come home to a barrage of bills and other papers demanding my immediate attention. But after a 24 hr drive with 3 cranky little kids, a tired and depressed husband, and 500 bathroom stops I was not looking forward to dealing with the pile of papers and mess at home.

Now here I am not knowing where to begin, procastinating my ass off, yelling at the kids for nothing, resenting my husband because he can escape to work and wanting to just sleep through it all.

I just so sick of it. I'm tired of the vicious cycles that put us major debt. I'm tired of the kids acting like total brats and feeling like I lack any parental skill whatsoever. I'm sick of feeling like a failure at life.

Everything is just falling apart.